Oscar week, in Hollywood, is about squeezing into my Roberto Cavalli dress with a snake down the back, or perhaps I shall wear a couture dress by a new designer? I bought lemon cake which was stolen from me by my housekeeper who said I had only a week to get ready.
Is it ridiculous? This is the superficial land of Lala, and the more ugly and old you are, the more you have to spend? I am advised that I need Public Relations this morning, but instead, I shall get up early, it may be boring, but tomorrow at 7am I shall do a magical class of mystical Kundalini yoga. However prim and dreary, it may seem, I am endevouring to be serene.
If I was married to a superstar composer/actor/director, and was an official stylish model, Mrs, those in power would honour me in an obsequious, oleaginous, way that I may find completely repellent. No, I am a big rebel. I want to do it myself.
I am doomed if if I believe in youth and beauty, but am I?. As I look around, my friends can hardly be described as old bags. I am sure they think, as I do, before I go bed, shall I masturbate tonight? make love? will it keep my pelvic floor firm and beautiful? Am I out of my time, or can I carry on with my mini skirts and pink or red lipstick?. My exercised self forever? Will I age quickly, this year, or next? I marvel as I look at myself, and look around at my friends. They are super women, or are they out of their time? I was assured last year, that a little starvation wakes up the "youth hormone". So starvation is the way to go?
I laughed when I was auditioning men for my film, The gun the cake and the butterfly. Nine gorgeous men walked through my door, and I was only semi horrified that the one I fancied was 22, Duka Sokoli, only to find out that he is fully in love and living with a girlfriend. Very boring. The same age as my son, I thought he was 37. My sons feel at least sixty years older than I am, they are clearly not on the same hormones?
I asked famous still photograph Jack English this morning if he would marry me, he said "Yes yes I am just off to my accountant, have to be quick, what's up then with the Tooth Fairy and the Elf?" Nicknames he has given to my two other favourite men.
On another note I went to The Italian Film Music and Film Festival, run by the extrovert Pascal Vicedomini and the world of celebrity was with him on stage. He managed to seduce Alexandre Desplat from his work, writing, and award him best music for Philomena. He should have won an Oscar before. Alexandre in turn thanked his long term partner for her contribution. That is what I want, if I am married, I want to be thanked. Actually if I am a mistress, I want that too. Pascal then awarded Bono for his song "Ordinary love" a hit from the film about Mandela. Bono once dropped into my house by helicopter in the South of France at Maison du Cap. He sang with my children, danced and played. I look around the jet set life is alive and groovy in the Chinese theatre.
I went with my fellow actress Lisa Zane who was in my film and I love her voice. With an enormous amount of support Pascal highlights the Italian Festival. I luckily won The Lina Wertmuller Prize for best art film in Ischia in the Summer. Pascal opened it with the brilliant film The great beauty, I think this is the true winner this week. Al Pacino was there talking about Salome, which I loved. I adore the opera by Strauss and Berkoff's theatrical rendition of Oscar Wilde's brilliant play.
Naomi Watts spoke, and looked stunning. David O Russell director of American Hustle, a stage was brought to life brimming with success. Anymore namedropping would be boring, but Pascal managed it. I have only spoken about my favourites.
You know it is celebrity, it is fake and yet not so. No let's not tell untruths, anyone of us would like to win a few accolades. A room full of cups is an attractive sight, I remember entering my ex husband Johan Eliasch's house when I was 24, and seeing whole rooms full of cups that he had won, for just about everything. I knew then and there that I had to have children with this man, that they would be clever. Indeed they are. With one son about to play football for a team in France and another singing at the Royal Welsh College I have a lot to be proud of. Then there are cups of my own for the film.
I wanted to work. So here I am off Melrose writing, bringing my life alive, not living with someone else's financial prowess. I shall happily diet for a cup or two, and work towards fitting in, in this weird and wonderful planet. It is the size of Chelsea in London, and everything happens in four square miles and I will be happy to keep young an beautiful, if I want to be loved.